


No Distance Left to Run

by orphan_account



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: As always!, Drabbles that I don’t see being fics on their own, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-06-29 05:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19823686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I want to be the one who knows the best way to love you.”





	1. Chapter 1

1\. 2019

“Can you do me a favor?” 

Alex lands back onto the earth with that question. He blinks at Miles’ crooked smile and the little earring he’s holding. “What?” Alex murmurs, letting out a breath he doesn’t realize he’s holding. Miles smiles even more and turns slightly to the right, so that Alex can see the piecing perfectly clear. 

He takes the small silver ring, hands shaking clumsily as Miles leans closer and huffs approvingly. Alex was mad at him only a few minutes ago, determined to not talk to him for the rest of the night. But now, it takes some serious efforts to keep a cold face as Miles’ eyes close and he looks misleadingly innocent and boyish, waiting for Alex to help him put the earring on. 

If not for the fact that he’s supposed to be angry, Alex would have been tasting Miles’ earlobe in an embarrassingly obsessive manner. He quickly collects himself, fingertips wrapping around the slightly reddened skin of Miles’ ear, fumbling with the piece of silver. Alex has put on earrings for his girlfriends before, but none of the moments made him as nervous as now. Maybe it’s because of the way Miles’ eyelashes trembles the second Alex touches him. Maybe he should blame the uneasy conversation they just had. But most likely, it’s because this is Miles fucking Kane and Alex is always easy to be shaken when it comes to Miles. And he’s pretty sure Miles knows it too, and is using it on purpose, mocking at the poor amount of self control Alex has left. 

He withdraws both of his hands as soon as the ring hangs in place. Miles hisses quietly, frowning with his eyes still fully sealed. The little wrinkles on the ridge of his nose drive Alex crazy because he’s really not planning on kissing Miles today, and Miles is really making things way too hard. 

It can’t be more than a heartbeat when the moment ends and Miles is walking around in the room, again far away from Alex. Miles gestures at the side of his head, but his eyes wander around the space between them. The smile he offers is too dimmed for Alex’s liking. “Thanks Al. I’m still struggling with...this new thing here.“ 

Alex hates to admit he feels the same.


	2. Chapter 2

“You don’t think it’s an impetuous decision? Too rushed, too cliché, and I’d regret it once I get sunburnt for the third time within a week?” Asked Alex when they were sitting on the floor of his London flat. He couldn’t help the sarcasm, which made Miles giggle and throw a cold chip at him.

At the moment, neither of them cared much about the tidiness of this flat anymore. Most of Alex’ stuff was packed and loaded on the van already. He had called for cleaning service and left Miles a set of keys, so he could come back next week and let the workers in. It was a tiny farewell party, after all.

The chip missed the target. Miles pinched up another one, but this time he tried to catch it with his mouth. “You hate rainy days, Al. You’d probably choose to be burnt than soaked.” He shrugged, dropping the smugly expression for a second. “And to what you just said…I mean, you need to change your mindset and everything, right? I think it’s all good, man. Another country, a new date, living with Matt at somewhere the weather is always nice. Great studios as well. What else could you ask for?”

_You._

The thought flickered through Alex’s mind so fast that he barely registered it. And that was a reasonable idea. _Why wouldn’t he want Miles to be there with him?_

Alex looked at him very carefully. It was to remember what Miles looked like even they were on different sides of the Pacific Ocean. Miles seemed comfortable under Alex’s undivided attention, legs casually drew up as he leaned back on the sofa.

“Try cut your hair, Al. You know what, I may do it meself at some point.” Miles suddenly suggested, as if a new hair cut could be a miracle cure. The idea amused himself and Miles blew out a long breath, trying to make his own fringes dance. “What else…leather pants, weird guitars, whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

“No leather pants are comfortable, Miles.”

“That’s not true! But you get what I’m saying here.” Miles pointed at him in an exaggerated manner that was actually funny enough to make Alex feel lighter. _What should he do if Miles’ not around and it was one of those days that he just wanted to forget he was trapped on this planet?_ He might have accidentally spoken out his mind, or it could just be Miles knowing him too well. “Just give me a ring, alright? I’ll try to not sleep like a corpse.” He hesitated for a second, then added, “I’ll be at your door once I find a comfy pair of leather pants.”

And to that, Alex laughed out loud. He felt a bit disappointed as well, although he wasn’t so sure which part of the day triggered that reaction.


	3. Chapter 3

They were both in London at some bar, with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. The party was terrible, boring and loud with too many strangers around. Alex was deep in thoughts when Alexa leaned in with a mischievous smile and then – he would never have guessed - kissed him on the lips. She was beautiful, charming and easily likable, and the kiss itself was neither rushed nor heavy, nothing like what he had been having for the past few months. 

Breathing in her delightful fragrance, Alex almost forgot how it felt like to kiss a girl. 

A nameless yearning had him freeze and shut his eyes. It must have lasted a few seconds, or longer, leaving Miles enough time to get himself together and acted like an amused best mate. Miles threw his head to the side, laughing. Alex pulled away as if a lightening just passed through his spine when he heard the odd, strident sound Miles barely managed to cover with smirks. 

Alexa slapped Miles on the shoulder with a coy smile, getting up from her seat. She batted her lashes at Alex in a suggestive way before offering to get them the fourth round. She didn’t see the guilt on Alex’s face, which came as an unfair afterthought.

“Have fun, Al.” Miles said to him once Alexa disappeared into the crowd to order them the fourth round. 

He could still be joking, but his eyes lacked the usual humorous sparks. “I’m off to me hotel.”

“What-you don’t even have one! You’re staying at mine, remember?” 

“I’m sure it’s not hard to find a room, don’t worry. You have a good night, Alex.”

Alex pushed though the packed dance floor, following Miles all the way to the front door. The warm tingling left by alcohol was swept clean when they stepped into the breezy summer night and Miles began to walk away. Alex rushed to catch his pace, hesitated before grabbing at Miles’ bare elbow. “Miles, come on, you can’t be serious-”

Miles looked at him as if he had to be overly patient to not shout. “Alex,” If he now accused Alex of being a thick-headed jerk who let it happen, that would be easier. But Miles didn’t look angry as he was entitled to be. He was almost amused, yet clearly hurt and sad. “You liked it.”

A flood of shame drowned him. Alex did like it. He felt too drunk to explain, but to let Miles go like this was not an option either. “Miles, I-”

“Do you miss being with a woman?” Miles went on to press the issue even more. The question stuck in Alex’s feet like a needle, and every step he took there was pain following him. 

Alex whimpered, desperate to stop this train that was doomed to wreck. “I’m with you.”

Miles stopped suddenly under the streetlight and turned around, causing Alex to knock into him in surprise. His chest was flat and bony, nothing like a curvy body of a girl. “I’m not saying you can’t, Al. I…I know you do.”

“Sorry.” Alex murmured. An apology was equal to an admission, but he didn’t want to lie. Miles sighed lowly. Alex’s stomach squirmed when Miles circled both arms around him, crushing Alex into his body. 

In a tight, bitter voice Miles whispered back. “It’s alright Al, really. I mean, if you wanna go back-”

Alex shushed him immediately, wanted nothing but to go home. Miles agreed with relief. The glad smile appearing at the corner of Miles’ mouth was like a blow to Alex’s face. He felt he was given up too easily after everything, as if Miles had no intension to fight for them at all. But at the same time, Alex didn’t feel entitled to be angry. It’s his stupid body that decided to like the kiss, although his mind cared about Miles only.

They never really sat down for awkward talks about their relationship. It happened so fast, unplanned and unexpected. One minute they were talking about music, the next thing Alex knew, he was leaning against the restroom door in one of the venues they played together. Miles’ mouth travelled around his body, taking his mind to heaven.

To Alex, the whole thing was brand new and frightening. He was always in a dazed hurry while kissing Miles, as if he’s constantly worried that they’d get caught and then there would be trouble. 

“I don’t want anyone else.” He swore firmly, desperate wanted to prove himself. The door clicked shut and locked itself behind them. Alex stood stiffly in the centre of the living room like a boy who’d made a serious mistake and was waiting nervously for punishment. 

Miles actually chuckled at Alex’s words. His eyes were the shade of caramel under the warm light in Alex’s flat, and he looked like he belonged to here. The expression on Miles’ face softened even more when he gestured Alex to come forward. “I believe you.” His thumb brushed over Alex’s bottom lip gently. “And I’m sorry I reacted poorly. She kissed you. It’s not your fault.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t pull away.” Alex looked down. Miles was wearing a pair of patterned socks he found in Alex’s drawer. The sight made his stomach twitch with sweet delight, and the weird desire he felt earlier with Alexa’ kiss was back, chewing at his nerves.

It’s not like Alex thought being with Miles wasn’t enough. However, he couldn’t deny that something was missing, and it’s unlikely a woman’s body.

Miles read his mind. The hand on his face became demanding and tilted Alex’ head back, and Miles leaned in as soon as Alex dared to look at him again. The kiss was slow, soft and gentle, making Alex’s knees weak and shaky.

It’s the tenderness that he missed the most.

It’s more than embarrassing when Alex decided he wanted to follow Miles into the bathroom. He squeezed himself into the narrow shower, fully clothed still. Miles laughed and shook his head slightly, putting too much shampoo into Alex’ hair and too many kisses onto Alex’ neck. 

Miles could be so gentle, and it’s not like Alex didn’t know. Partly he had avoided affection on purpose, partly he sought for roughness subconsciously, not knowing how long this passion would last. It had always been like this and Miles never complained. He’d do whatever Alex pleased, and he’d let Alex do anything.

Took Alex enough time to know. Slowly he explained, “I did miss kissing a girl, I guess. I miss something I know well about. With you…most of the time I don’t know what I’m doing, Miles. It feels like something I’d never get used to.”

Miles’ face twitched like he couldn’t decide to smile or frown. Alex blinked the water out of his eyes, feeling a little lightheaded. He added, “I can never get enough of you.”

A surprised whine escaped Alex when Miles dropped down on his knees, burying his face into Alex’s stomach. The gesture itself was almost chaste, even with Miles being naked and Alex’s fingers combing through the damp curls on the back of Miles’ head. He was shaking all over. Alex had to put a hand on his nape to calm him down. 

“… scared the hell out of me, Alex.” 

A shiver run down Alex’s spine also, as Miles held onto him tightly. Now he was guilty for a completely different reason. The sprinkle muffled his voice. “Miles-”

“You’d make a perfect couple. You can hold hands whenever you want. No need to worry about being caught all the time. You can be in love-”

Alex twisted a few strands of hair around his fingers, pulling slightly until Miles reluctantly raised his head. “I am in love already, Miles…with you.” 

Love talk was nothing new, but usually it came after making out drunkenly and getting each other off in a shabby dressing room. Miles made an ungraceful, sobbing sound and hid his face again in the fabric of Alex’ wet T-shirt. They stayed like this for a while, until the water started to lose its temperature that Miles was ready to let Alex move.

It was later when they were in bed that Miles could joke about the party being not all that shitty, after all. He had both arms around Alex’s waist. Nobody held Alex as tight as Miles would do, as if he constantly needed Alex to be close.

Alex found it difficult not to know that Miles loved him back.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex is insensitive to pain. 

Not to say that he won’t notice if he cuts his fingers in accident, but he didn’t cry about minor injuries even as a babe. It worried his parents for a good amount of time, until Alex grew into a big boy and nobody found it abnormal when he did not whine about bruises on his knees from a fall, or some mindless scratches on the elbow left by a football game.

The only alarmist left is Miles, who panics about Alex’s tiny injuries as if he could seriously die from a bleeding nose. “Calm down, Miles.” Alex shakes his head, with an amused chuckle. Miles squints at him disapprovingly when Alex sucks his left thumb, trying to soothe the burn. 

The kettle and a half-made tea are sitting innocently on the kitchen table. Miles sighs loudly, rubbing his eyes fully open. “Al, I told you the handle’s broken. Just give me a shout if you want coffee or something.” 

He still seems very sleepy when squeezing himself into the small gap between the table and Alex. Alex forgets to move away, for some reason, making Miles’ shoulder pressed into his own. All of the sudden the room smells nicer, and the temperature increases dramatically as Miles pours more hot water into the cup. 

“It’s just,” Alex continues. Nobody asks him for an explanation, but the words assemble themselves and run out of his mouth without permission. “…don’t wanna wake you up.”

One side of Miles’ mouth curves up. He beams down at the hot beverage, and surely, Alex knows it’s ridiculous to envy a cup of tea. He just needs Miles to smile at him like this, always. 

“Let me see your finger, Al.” Miles steps back and reaches for his hand. His touch gets unbelievably gentle sometimes, which is certainly not very helpful at the very moment. “Ah, jeez, you’ve got a blister!”

His worrying tone provokes a titter from Alex. “Miles, I’m ok. It’s just a-”

“Wait here.” Miles straight up ignores him and rushes into the bathroom. A few loud thumps later, he comes back with a small basket and a determined, stubborn face. Alex swallows his protest when Miles dampens a clean cloth to wrap his finger. Afterall, it does feel nice to have cold water around the wound. 

Miles soon realizes Alex is smiling silently as he puts a thin layer of ointment on the burned skin. “You weirdo,” Miles murmurs as he carefully wraps a band-aid around Alex’s finger. “What’s so funny?”

“You act like I just broke my arm.”

“Wait till you see me when you do break some bones, Alex.” Miles mocks, eyes rolling back. Strangely, his breaths speed up as he walks away to put back that first-aid kit. Another few thumps and Miles shouts, “Don’t get yourself killed in me kitchen when I brush me teeth, Al!”

He walks towards the bathroom. The door stands ajar and their eyes meet in the mirror hanging above the sink. Miles jumps and turns around, blushing uncharacteristically. “Please, I have an extremely high pain threshold.” Alex declares smugly, seeing how flustered Miles is getting. 

“I know.” Miles chews on his lower lip and laughs uneasily. “But I don’t.”

Alex’s heart skips a beat or two. “What do you mean?”

“I-” For a second, Miles is incapable of speech. And when he speaks, he looks down on the white tiles, suddenly frustrated and almost angry. “It just bothers me, okay? It gets me right in the gut whenever…when you-”

Alex finishes his sentence. “When I accidentally stub my toes?”

“Come on, don’t be a jerk.” Miles glares at him, but quickly looks away again. His shoulders slump down, making him appear unsure and exposed. Alex can’t believe his own eyes and ears. He bursts into soft, surprised laugher, stepping forward and slowly grabbing at Miles’ stiff arms. 

“Sorry.” He apologizes in a shaky whisper, and then admits. “I can’t stand seeing you hurt either, Miles.”

Miles’ head jerks up. At first it seems that he wants to say something back, but the next thing Alex knows, he’s already tasting the minty tooth paste on Miles’ tongue. It may have lasted just a few seconds, but in his head the touch lingers permanently even after Miles pulls away and cups his face, looking right into Alex’s eyes. 

Now Miles’ face is flushed for a completely different reason. Alex can’t be more pleased with himself. “I always think about this when I see your lips are chapped.” Miles fakes a serious tone, leaning in close again. He teases, “Need to keep them moisturized, right?”

Alex meant to nod his agreement, but settles with simply throwing his arms around Miles’ waist and kisses him again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PWP one-shot inspired by last week's hot weather. Explicit content. Mentions of bottom! Miles, which seriously has become a thing for me lmao

The room is boiling.

It’s now Alex’s usual nap time, yet he’s lying fully awake on the bed, sweating like a popsicle under the killer sun. Alex blinks in annoyance when some of the salty water gets into his eyes. Across the thin door, he can hear the sound of TV and Miles laughing.

In normal conditions, this would be his favorite lullaby. However, not in a day when the temperature rises up to 35°C and the air conditioner stops working. He’s seriously drowning in his own sweat, but Miles seems to be completely unbothered. This is nowhere near fair.

It takes Alex embarrassingly long to gather strength to move out of their bedroom. This few seconds of walk makes him on fire, in an unsexy way.He finds Miles spreading out on that worn-out black leather sofa, in nothing but a pair of leopard print shorts, watching WWE with a bowl of frozen berries.

Alex snorts so loud that even their neighbors can hear him, probably.

“What’s up, babe?” Miles doesn’t even look up, fully absorbed into the screen. He does hold up the bowl of fruits to Alex’s direction though. Alex takes it in hands and sighs in relief when the chilling ceramic gets in touch with his skin.

“I’m boiling up in there. Can’t even sleep.” He complains through a mouthful of strawberries.

Miles chuckles and moves to one side of the sofa, making space for Alex to sit down. He glances up with an amused yelp, grabbing at Alex’s soaked T-shirt. “Ahh look at you. Someone’s been to the pool or something?”

“Shut up, Miles.” Alex places himself right next to Miles. His eyes widen in disbelief when he realizes Miles is cold to the touch. “What the hell, you’re not hot?”

Miles rests his head against Alex’s chest and laughs. “Hey, that’s not what you said last night!”

The second Miles comes close, Alex wraps around him like a human octopus. _An octopus and a crab, they’d make such a good couple in the ocean, where it’s all cool and comfortable…_ Alex shakes the picture out of his head. The heat has seriously begun to make him delusional.

“Take the T-shirt off, Al.” Miles pats his arms gently. “It’s sticky.”

Alex pushes Miles off him and loses the short sleeve in a second. He makes an unhappy sound when Miles doesn’t come back automatically, and drags the taller man towards himself until Miles ends up basically sitting on top of him, his back pressed into Alex’s chest like a cooling pad.

Miles laughs again, poking at Alex’ knees. “God, I’ve got a scalding boyfriend.”

“Emmm…” Alex buries his nose in the back of Miles’ neck, taking in a deep breath. Now it feels he’s less likely to die from the heat. Miles squirms a bit, halfheartedly grumbling about the touch being too ticklish, but eventually going back to watch wrestling. Alex’s eyelids fall close. The idea of napping almost starts to sound appealing again when Miles screams like a 7-year-old boy, cheering loudly for a good move on screen. Unavoidably he’s tossing up and down, moving forward and backward...while still sitting on Alex’s lap.

It’s only reasonable that Alex gets too excited to sleep anymore.

“Seriously?” Feeling the poking hardon, Miles throws both his arms backwards and takes Alex’s head in hands, kissing him playfully on the nose. Having made Miles, who claims a good wrestling match beats a mind-blown shag in any day, distracted and actually tear his sight away from the TV screen, Alex considers this something worth bragging about for a week.

Alex grips the few locks on his forehead and kisses Miles on the mouth eagerly. His dick is shamefully hard within minutes, and every time when Miles wriggles to find a better angle, it sparks something heavy and warm inside Alex’s stomach, accumulating until it almost hurts unbearably.

His palms travel up, fingers spreading and tracing the moist skin on Miles’ chest. Alex hums pleasingly when Miles gasps, pushing his chest forward and further into Alex’s teasing hands. He’s now incredibly warm to the touch, the few curls resting on his nape all damp with sweat. Alex pinches his left nipples with a torment force, making Miles hiss and groan desperately for more.

“Al… can we…oh god, yes…Alex, Al, please! Stop it!” Suddenly Miles turns back around and gets up on the floor, panting breathlessly. His cock doesn’t look that comfortable trapped in that stupid shorts any more. Miles laughs at Alex’s confused frown, climbing onto the sofa again, sitting astride Alex’s knees. “I don’t wanna get on with it here. It’s like a fucking oven.”

Alex blinks incredulously, glaring at Miles’ smiley face. “I hate you.”

“You dick says something else.”

“That’s why it’s a dick, Miles. Come on,” Alex pouts, trying hard to catch his own breath. “Didn’t hear you whining about the heat when you were watching the goddamn TV.”

“Well, what can I say? You’re too damn hot, love.” Miles thrusts forwards pointedly, making Alex tremble with desire. He leaves an open-mouthed kiss on Miles’ neck, making sure to make a clear, loud suckling sound. The salty taste of sweat is still in his mouth when Miles’ tongue slips in.

Alex feels like the inside of his body is melting like a wax candle, and it’s not all from the demanding kiss Miles just gave him.

“Okay...you’re right,” He agrees weakly when Miles pulls away. “I’m literally burning.”

Miles flashes him an evil grin, reaching down slowly and giving Alex’ neglected cock a few strokes through the thin fabric. Alex’s eyes squeeze shut. He spats Miles’ hand away, whimpering so pathetically that it gives Miles another chuckle. “Let’s go, Al. Move your hot ass to the bathroom.”

Reluctantly, Alex lets Miles peel him off the sofa. His legs feel useless and jelly-like. “A cold bath,” He demands, “No glittery bath bombs.”

“Sure, sure.” Miles drags him towards the bathroom door, giggling all the way. When they are waiting for the water to fill the bath tub, Miles mocks lovingly, “What else can I do for you, Princess?”

Maybe it’s the way his chest is shiny with sweat, maybe blame those perky nipples which Alex just caressed with his fingertips, or maybe the heat just destroys whatever self-control Alex has left in his brain. Anyway, before Miles could react, Alex has pinned him down on the cold tiles of the bathroom wall. Miles shivers, and judging by his blown pupils and shortened breaths, Alex guesses it’s probably not for the chilling ceramic wall to take credits.

“One more thing, my Miles.” Alex lowers his voice for the last command. “I want you to prepare yourself so I can have you right against this fucking wall. Understand?”

Miles gulps. He nods frantically, wasting no time to get down on his knees. Alex swallows in anticipation when Miles frees his aching cock from the briefs, grinning silently to himself.

At least they can still have some fun in this cursed weather.


	6. Chapter 6

“With you it’s different.”

“Different how?” Alex felt the need to ask. In Alex’s bedroom, Miles laughed and rolled over to the edge of the bed, asking Alex for another grape in the bowl he’s holding. “Before it’s just never worth the hassle, you know? Soon the passion’s not there anymore, or the shitty times overweighed the good ones. I just don’t like fixing things slowly. I’m too impatient for that, la. I can’t bear if there’s anything that’s not right.” 

“Of course.” Alex agreed, although up to that point they hadn’t yet argued once. Miles kept him overdosed with delight all the time.

Miles searched for his eyes. The way his grimace melt into a warm smile was carved permanently onto Alex’s heart. “What we have is worth everything to me, Al.” 

Looking back, Alex now understood that Miles didn’t lie. But at that time, he did feel betrayed when the day came: Miles didn’t want anyone to know about their secret kisses, because he wasn’t fond of the idea of being Alex Turner’s boyfriend on the cover of any magazines.

“They will just focus on the love story instead of the music and we don’t want that, right Al?”

It would make perfect sense if Alex didn’t know Miles too well. “There will be rumours -”

The silent plea in Miles’ eyes shut him up. Alex knew this was a hard time for him, following the breakup of The Little Flames. Everything was intimidating and unsure for the Rascals while the Monkeys were breaking through like a dream. The truth was plain and simple: Miles didn’t want to be his shadow. In fact, it frustrated Alex just as much when the rest of the world couldn’t see what he always saw in Miles. 

Miles gave him a grateful nod when Alex backed off, dropping the topic willingly.

“Like … like what the White Stripes used to do.”

“You wanna tell the world that we’re brothers?” Alex offered him a mocking wink, together with all the tenderness he could manage in one hug. Miles giggled into the crook of his neck. voice slightly muffled. It became an inside joke eventually, and they’d introduce each other as a sibling who came late in life, a mate you could only find as a kid, a co-worker who happened to read minds.

Alex wouldn’t even call that a lie. It was more like an _understatement._

In the beginning, it was funny when Miles would come on stage, play 505 with them and then fuck Alex senseless on the hideous bunkbed in their tour bus. Alex asked an interviewer to say hello to their mums, knowing they were both watching. “I’m proud of you.” He whispered it to Miles, although he was the one who just played a full site. And Miles replied with a damp, joyful kiss on his temple. They were under the scrutinizing gazes of all the people, but they might as well be all alone. 

However, soon it became out of hand and no longer laughable after a Christmas break at home, when Alex was asked about why he was leaving so early this time, rushing back to London while all his friends and families were looking forward to spending more time with him. 

“Is it about a girl?”

Alex choked on his wine on the dinner table. All his relatives were waiting for an answer, which he dared not to give yet. Everyone laughed as Alex turned red, the topic slipping away and gone. _So, what’s her name?_ Alex got the question from Penny when he was ready to leave. Who was Alex to disappoint her and tell her that it’s about a boy, that he’s mad about Miles Kane, that he’s all Alex yearned for?

Alex forced a happy face. “There’s no one. I…I have some work left. Gonna finish it this week.” 

“Can’t it wait?” No one believed his excuse. His mum was smiling, and Alex couldn’t stay for another minute. He left in a hurry. On the way to the train station, he picked up his phone to call Miles. After all, with Miles it’s always different: Alex could endure anything, as long as everything was alright between the two of them.


	7. No Distance Left to Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love shouldn't burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my friend suellen x Our boys deserve a happy ending!

No Distance Left to Run

Whatever the rest of the world might think, Miles isn’t actually the one who reaches out to Alex more often.

He does it frequently enough to not be a jerk, but sparsely enough to be a good, disciplined friend. Alex may or may not have figured out Miles is still miserably in love with him. Miles can't be sure. 

They don’t talk about it, fortunately.

+

He remembered being there when Alex broke up with Alexa. The room smelled of heartbreaks when he came in. Miles stayed there for more than a week, being Alex’s best mate as he should be. Alex would put his head on Miles’ shoulder and fell asleep like that in the middle of the day. Miles didn’t dare to move or breathe. His heart rate stayed crazy all the time.

“I think you should go.” Miles tried to recall why he had said that, when Alex drunkenly spoke about moving to LA. He picked up a loose strand from Alex’s shoulder, then rubbed the fine silky hair in between his fingers. “Be a new man across the ocean.” 

Alex snorted. His eyes wondered in the dark room and left for somewhere far away. “A new man.” Eventually Alex agreed with a clumsy nod, coming back from his own head. Miles already missed him painfully. 

\+ 

He tried to stay away. That sort of worked for a while, until eventually Miles caved in and moved to be Alex’s neighbour. What a fucking great neighbour he had to be, when Alex again underwent an unfortunate breakup and Miles was there to cheer him up.

He had the right to refuse, but hadn’t the heart to do so when Alex called with a slur in his voice at midnight. It took Miles less than 10 mins to get there, where Alex was waiting for him, expecting him to be the ultimate solution for the dark days.

It’s just like when Alex asked for Miles’ help to fix the ceiling, to fix one weird string on his guitar, to fix that creaky door in his living room. “Miles.” Alex would whisper something like “come to mine for a drink”, which he actually means: _Come and fix my heart_.

Miles couldn’t say no to this, so it would be done every time.

\+ 

Some days it’s hard to not think what things could have been. Miles wishes he wasn’t so stubborn back then, when Alex said it was all a mistake and moved to New York. Miles was so mad at him that he didn’t bother to check if Alex was saying the truth. He hung up on Alex when the other man called.

“Do you think we made the right decision? Maybe-”

“You made the decision, Alex. We didn’t make it.”

The young Miles was too proud to admit how much it had hurt. He wouldn’t go back to being the secret lover in the shadow. At that time the wound was still tender, and Miles was still an unrealistic optimist, thinking he'd get over Alex just as everyone else he had loved. He didn’t talk to Alex until the older man called again two months later.

Naturally, they go back to being just friends. Alex is his best mate, after all. Throughout the years Alex has proved that he’s more than Miles can ever ask for, as a friend. It’s just when Miles is no longer filled with rage, he’s full of regret, and some days Alex is so close that his smile makes the edge of Miles’ soul curl up with the desire to kiss him.

He can’t stop thinking about how wrong he was.

Miles wishes he had asked Alex to stay. 

\+ 

Miles gets a text from Alex. He replies with a yes. 

Does Miles really want to come on stage and play 505 with the monkeys, just as in the good old days? He reckons he likes it more when he gets to press Alex onto some crappy wall of a dressing room and kiss him stupid. But he agrees happily anyway. There’s no denying that he misses being on a stage with Alex.

For Alex, this time also. Miles even decides to stay for a bit longer than necessary, because once again it has come to this, with only Miles in the room with Alex, where all the curtains are drawn. It’s been less than a week since Miles learned that Alex was no longer with Taylor.

Alex won’t talk about it. The good thing is Miles doesn’t really want to know.

Miles works hard to keep Alex occupied, if not with music, then with anything that pops into his head. He can tell this termination of the relationship has cut Alex deep, leaving him at lost and depressed. “I’m in love with someone else, I guess.” Alex tells him while the party is still going on loudly downstairs. They sit side by side on the floor and Alex has one hand on Miles’ left knee. It’s been there for way more than what being friendly usually looks like.

Miles has a show to play himself. His flight leaves at 10 am tomorrow morning, leaving him no time to be hopeful. However, the intake of alcohol has brought his guard down and Miles beams at Alex’ words uncontrollably. He’s being silly, too full of himself: _He dares to dream._

Alex stares into his eyes thoughtfully and then throws the question at him, smashing Miles’ hope back into the bottom of his stomach. “Why are you so gleeful about it, huh?” Alex snapped. _He’s drunk._ Miles reminds himself. _There’s no need to be petty about it._

But Alex is a real dick when he’s not himself. He pushes at Miles’ shoulder, then sneers. “Why are you even here, Miles? Am I a good laugh?”

Miles isn’t his younger self anymore, yet there’s still anger left in him. He’s shouting before he knows it. “Why are you even upset, Alex? You fucking broke up with her yourself. You just have to be like this all the time, do you? All the fucking time. You don’t even know how it’s like to be left behind yet you’re here whining about how bad you feels-”

He’s said too much. Before Miles can think of a way to lessen the damage, Alex’s eyes widen in disbelief. He gasps, pulling away from Miles (like he always does). “It was you. You said you didn’t want me- want this, anymore.” 

“I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, fucking hell. I never wanted to be.” His voice softens despite himself when Alex recoils. Miles isn’t sure this is a joke or not when the words leave his mouth. “Sometimes I want to be your girlfriend, even. This way at least I get to cry about the breakup, you know?”

Alex looks at him. Confused. Shocked. Seemingly heartbroken. He doesn’t smile, therefore the painful realization hits Miles.

 _He didn’t know_.

+

Another two months of pretending Alex doesn’t exist, Miles gets another call from him. Alex is in Paris and he wants to meet up. He’s asking if Miles has the time for it, as if he doesn’t already know Miles will always make time for him.

This is Alex’s “back-to-friends” offer. Miles decides to take it, whatever he truly craves.

Alex doesn’t bring his new girlfriend for dinner, but she’s on her way and Miles can’t escape the same old routine. She’s there when Alex shares a microphone with Miles, and she’s the one who gets to wrap her arms around Alex and kisses him after Alex gets off stage. Alex is in love with her, and Miles is just a friend.

_He’s so tired of being Alex’s friend._

“You look happy, Al.” Miles comments when the party just starts. He’s about to go, though. Alex walks him out, passing him a cigarrete. They smoke in silence before Alex turns toward him, his face unreadable.

“What about you, Miles? Will you be happy as well?”

He can’t breathe.

It feels like his heart has suddenly shattered into pieces. When Miles tries to take in some oxygen, the broken pieces pierce through his chest, causing unbearable pain. Miles swallows a few times until he finally trusts his voice to not break together with every other part of himself.

He gives an honest answer, too drained to pretend. “I’ll try my best.”

Alex’s eyes won’t leave him alone. Slowly he asks, in a soft, cautious tone. “Stay for another drink?”

“Come on, Al. Don’t ask me to be there just yet. Please.” Because tonight he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He can’t take it. Eventually Miles will get himself together and deal with the heartaches, which he’s become an expert of over the years. But not now, not today. Today he feels to raw and naked. He is weak, unprepared and stupidly longing for Alex: Miles hasn’t yet regained the strength to watch him being happy with someone else.

“Okay.” Alex lets him go. Strangely, he smiles almost coyly at Miles. “We’ll see each other soon, alright?”

\+ 

Soon stretches into two more months. Miles only comes to see Alex for New Year’s Eve and even then, he stays as far as he could.

Slowly but surely, he’s failing at the task of being a good mate: It’s not like that Miles won’t reply Alex’s messages, or that he won’t talk to him when they are in the same room. Nothing like that. He just stops lending his shoulder for Alex to nap on. He stops asking questions about why Alex isn’t in the shell. He says no when Alex asks him to play 505 with the monkeys.

“Miles, wait.” Alex calls after him when Miles is about to go. It’s still early, all Alex's band mates are celebrating the successful night and his beautiful girlfriend is on her way - There’s no space and no need for Miles to be here. Miles halts on his track when Alex follows him.

“Sorry, gonna be off early.” Miles says to him the second they are outside. This ain’t the place for him to collapse and cry, so Miles smiles. “I’m tired.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex ignores his excuse. He has the face that makes Miles’ knees weak and heart cramp. Therefore, Miles knows Alex isn’t asking about his early exit today.

An ugly laugh escapes Miles. Soon he’s laughing at himself in full strength, scaring his dear old friend a little bit. “I made my own mistakes, Al. For that I’m sorry.” Miles shakes his head. Alex’s brows draw together at his answer, but he doesn’t say anything back.

It kills Miles knowing he’s not allowed to kiss the little frown away.

\+ 

Sometimes it amazes Miles how much uneasiness Alex is willing to take, just to keep Miles in his life. He’s pacing in the living room of Miles’ cold flat, barefoot and stumbling, a half-empty beer can in hand.

Abruptly, Alex says, “We broke up.” 

Miles wants to hit Alex on the face for even telling him. It has been nearly a year since they last saw each other and Miles is not ready to be Alex’s shelter this time as Alex mourns for the loss of someone else. “Congratulations.” He goes on in a tone of vicious sarcasm. “Who else did you fall for this time?”

Alex flinches, almost tripping over his own feet. “God, Miles. That’s very nice of you.” He complains softly with no anger in his voice. If anything, Alex seems almost nervous. “I didn’t fall for anyone new.”

Miles shrugs. It’s none of his business.

It’s none of his business until Alex grabs at his elbow and stops him there, forcing Miles to face him. “I can’t make you my girlfriend, Miles.”

It actually makes Miles laugh. The nonsense somehow still hurts despite knowing Alex’s probably too drunk to make any sense. Miles snorts. “Put that beer done, Al. You’ve had enough.”

“I’d never leave you behind, you know that, right?” 

Miles shots up from the sofa, aiming to hide in the kitchen. He can see it’s one of those nights again when Alex gets so lonely and unsure that he’ll cruelly make Miles hope again. Believe it or not, Miles still has a tiny amount of pride left. He’d rather run away from the trick.

“No, no Miles, listen…I didn’t make the right decision then. I was wrong and I’ve always been wrong. You said I didn’t know what it felt like…but I do know. I learnt it from you when you turned me down. You taught me the taste of remorse, Miles. You did.” Alex grips him even tighter. It’s unnecessary, really, because all of a sudden Miles doesn’t want to be anywhere except right here. 

“You’re right, I’ve had enough. I...It’s nice to have you as my mate, but that doesn’t feel right. Never did. I know it’s way too late but please! Please…can I-do I get a second chance with you, Miles?”

Miles freezes. There's a pounding in his ears so loud that he can barely hear what Alex is saying. The floor is not movable, but he surely feels it’s shaking too hard for him to stand straight.

“Don’t, Alex.” Miles chokes on a sob. He’s so close to give Alex what he yearns for, but then he remembers the constant aching inside his chest. “I can’t keep borrowing you. It didn’t work before, how-”

“You don’t have to.” Alex begs, interrupting him. His eyes are glassy and heartbreakingly beautiful. Miles can’t think of the last time he gets to see Alex like this: open, eager and vulnerable. Close enough for Miles to pull him into a hug and hold him tight until the sun rises. “I’m all yours if you’re still willing to give us a try.”

“Us, eh?” Miles smiles dryly at him. By now he’s just getting back at Alex on purpose, the last remnant of anger turning into bitter venom. “Why didn’t you say something earlier, Alex? Why now?”

It takes Alex a long time to reply. By the time he makes a proper sound, his hand has loosened and there’re tears on his face. “I’m afraid you’d give me the same answer as last time.”

Alex takes a step back, away from him, and that’s what makes Miles surrender. He doesn’t even know why he’s making the scene, as if there’s a chance for him to once again let Alex walk out of the door all alone. Miles lunges forward and takes what he’s always wanted, locking Alex into his arms and pressing a kiss on Alex’s trembling lips. It’s hard to tell who is to blame for the bitter taste of tears on their tongues, but that hardly matters when they part and Alex gives him a familiar, boyish smile that Miles hasn’t seen in years.

His hair has grown longer in the past year. With the fringe falling into his eyes, it almost feels like the time has been rewound. Alex’s eyes lighten up as Miles leans in once more. His fingers find the smile on Miles’ face and traces it carefully.

Alex whispers in a mixture of gratefulness and regret. “It’s been so long.” 

“It has. That’s why-” Miles agrees, breathing in Alex’s fears and turning them into an assuring kiss. He whispers back. 

“-you’ll get a different answer this time, babe.”

+END+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of this is real, unfortunately. But it won't hurt to dream!


End file.
